Thursday Funny

Things You’ll Never Hear A Redneck Say

40. Oh I just couldn’t, she’s only sixteen.

39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

38. Duct tape won’t fix that.

37. Honey, I think we should sell the pickup and buy a family sedan.

36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

35. We don’t keep firearms in this house.

34. Has anybody seen the sideburns trimmer?

33. You can’t feed that to the dog.

32. I thought Graceland was tacky.

31. No kids in the back of the pickup, it’s just not safe.

30. Wrestling’s fake.

29. Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

28. We’re vegetarians.

27. Do you think my gut is too big?

26. I’ll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

25. Honey, we don’t need another dog.

24. Who cares who won the Civil War?

23. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

22. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

21. Spitting is such a nasty habit.

20. I just couldn’t find a thing at Walmart today.

19. Trim the fat off that steak.

18. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

17. The tires on that truck are too big.

16. I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

15. I’ve got it all on the C drive.

14. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

13. Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

12. My fiance, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

11. I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

10. Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

9. Checkmate.

8. She’s too young to be wearing a bikini.

7. Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

6. Hey, here’s an episode of “Hee Haw” that we haven’t seen.

5. I don’t have a favorite college team.

4. Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

3. You All.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darlin’.

1. Nope, no more for me. I’m drivin’ tonight.

Advertisements

3 Responses

  1. 36. Come to think of it, I’ll have a Heineken.

    I swear to you, I just heard my husband say this—or was it a Leinenkugel?

    Whatever it was, it was way out of line from his normal Busch Light–I had to ask him who he was!

  2. OK coming from a total non-redneck land and only recently discovering the CMT channel and The Blue Collar stand up comedy (no lie, I’m totally serious) and I’m married to the ultimate metrosexual man, this was sooo funny. We are the totally opposite of this list. Like every single damn line. Every one. We stick out like sore thumbs here in south central Texas! Thanks for the laugh.

  3. Thanks for dropping by ladies!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: