Redneck Smoke Detector


Before and right now

The photo above is my “before” photo. Ignoring the two skinny bullriders with me in the photo that’s me in April at not my highest weight but pretty close. My highest was 177 pounds not the best thing to hear when your already injured and feeling a little bit depressed about it.
This is me a couple weeks ago. There isn’t much change measurement wise but right now mentally I’m feeling better and that is what makes my day.

Chick’s Weigh In!

Peep’s I was getting all upset over a teeny tiny little gain on Friday to come back down and weigh in at 156 pounds for my other challenge this morning. That makes me 7 pounds shy of my goal of losing 15 pounds by Christmas! Yeah me (you can’t see this but I’m doing a happy dance!)! Have a geat day everybody!

In the 1/2 hour since I’ve been home….

I’ve done the following:

  • Put both of my dogs outside to find that the little one was “naughty” on the carpet….AGAIN!
  • Mentally cussed out little dog….AGAIN!
  • Brought both dogs in….”Satan’s Little Helper” get’s a “time out” and “Dinosaur” gets a good dog treat.
  • Discussed with my mom that we either need a crate for little dog or we need to consult with the vet.
  • Ate a cup of yougurt, 3 tootsie rolls (the long roll, not the little teeny tiny ones) and a snickerdoodle (love me some snickerdoodles!).
  • Turned on both of our computers.
  • Cleaned up my bathroom….didn’t look quite like a tornado had hit it yet but still not pleasant.
  • Started checking out my blogs.
  • Found out that Paul Newman has passed away.
  • Mentally cussed out Bath and Body Works for having so many great smells.
  • and started writing this post.

I’m Tired…..

Anybody out there see the movie Blazing Saddles? Remember the dancehall girl Ms. Van Shtupe and how she sings that song “I’m Tired?” Well I am tired….Physically tired, emotionally tired, pretty much every kind of tired you can think of that’s what I’m feeling right now. Last night there was more drama at work….this time the upside is that I was NOT involved. The people who were working over in our softlines department got into a big time screaming match, complete with cussing and inappropriate finger gestures. 45 minutes worth of screaming match! So I’m just going to go and put my jammies on and put myself to bed an hope that tonight things go better, cause right now nobody is really likeing each other.

Funny – Work Poop

Work Poop

We’ve all been there but don’t like to admit it. As much as we try toconvince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those whohate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dumpat work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so thesmell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn’tknow where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop untilthe full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure thesmell has left your pants.

FLY BY:This is the act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in andcheck for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave andcome back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People maybecome suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE:This is a fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal orforcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden waveof embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in theurinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It isuncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes bothparties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK:When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. Thisis usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this shouldhappen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left thebathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH:The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. Thisreduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom.This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME:Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have juststunk the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someonewalks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that thesmell does not exist. This very uncomfortable walk can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER:This is a colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You willoften see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with anewspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N):A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goesoff without incident. This group can help you to monitor the here abouts of Out Of The Closet Poopers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS:A Safe Haven is a seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building whereyou can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex enteringthe bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR:This is someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and triesto force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerablemoments that can occur when taking a poop at work If this occurs, remainin the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH:A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that youare in a stall is called a Camo-Cough. This can be used to cover-up aWATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. The Camo-Cough is veryeffective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE:A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that youare occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall isoccupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so thepooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON:A watermelon is a big poop that creates a loud splash when hitting thetoilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel aWatermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET:A case of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toiletwater. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

Fat Ticker Friday

Well it’s Friday again! Time to weigh in…..NOT good peeps! I’m up 1 pound from last week and up 2 pounds from tuesday morning when I stepped on the scale. I’ll admit it’s not been the best week for me….lots of work stress/drama, so I haven’t been eating the healthiest. So I’m going to go now….Must finish my battle with the laundry pile….I’ve put it off long enough. Have a great weekend!